Everyone is aware, now what?

Post-election grief on this Transgender Day of Remembrance

Today is Transgender Day of Remembrance—a global day of observance born from grief: one trans woman holding vigil to honor the loss of another, too many others to name. Attempts to shift the spotlight towards more positive stories beget Transgender Awareness Week/Month. The timebox seems to depend on the organization doing the organizing.

What a twist of the calendar to have all of this well-intentioned awareness land in the middle of a contentious election cycle. Now, in the wake of a gutting loss I can't seem to escape all of this visibility. I’m reminded that blame is too often the price of recognition. Every podcast talking head has "trans rights" at the tip of their tongues. Is my right to healthcare, a safe bathroom, and a drivers' license that matches my preferred pronoun the explanation for the American people writing a permission slip for fascism?

No, really—I'm not being facetious—what do you believe? What questions are you asking? Publicly? In spaces where no trans person is in earshot? Because people I love and admire are starting to suggest that sticking up for trans people was/is the problem. Or maybe in the top five? That 'we', whatever that group might be, pushed too hard. Asked for too much. Are too much. Now what?

Friends keep sending me messages to check in. I'm too speechless to respond. (Please forgive me. I will.) I feel responsible for knowing the answer, to speak for all of us, but I can barely wrap my head around the question.

My girlfriend publicly invited her community of artists to write emotional prep lists. I actively avoided the assignment. Privately, she texted me information on the shelf-life of hormones and suggested I start stockpiling. In person, she implored me to prioritize. She keeps reminding me to stop swirling in my head and to drop into my body. My head keeps dissecting political strategy while listening to podcasts. As if another hour with Nate-Ezra-Lydia-Tressie will make it better.

I finished yet-another-episode when my preferred podcast player dropped me back into the tail of Dan Savage's Lovecast. It's the one where Jeff Guenther (a.k.a Therapy Jeff) gives us all a free post-election session. I kept listening while staying busy with housework and, hands full, let the credits roll when suddenly Dan cut in:

Nancy, can you stop the outtro music for just a second here? Because there's one last thing I wanted to get off my chest before we wrap up this week's show. This show, of all shows. And that's, we're not going anywhere. We're staying, we're fighting. And, we here at the Lovecast, we'll be back at you next week for another installment. We will be here, for the good and decent straights, and the good and decent gays. And lesbians and enbys and dykes and faggots. And the good and decent trans men and women out there. And the good and decent nonbinary folks and other gender refuseniks. And the sex workers and the monogamous and monogamish. And poly, and toly, and ace and allo. We will be here. For anyone and everyone who believes in choice, in bodily autonomy, in freedom, and self determination and the pursuit of happiness whatever that looks like for each of us as an individual. And for everyone who believes that our politics should look more like our kinks—safe, sane, and consensual. Alright, Nancy, crank that outtro music back.

And then I sobbed. Doubled over. Uncontrollable, messy tears. Cried again transcribing just now.

All we have is each other. And we’re not going anywhere.

xx Kyle