Back in Brooklyn after a week getting UNSTUCK with the inimitable Ann Friedman and Jade Chang. Too soon to proclaim the retreat as life-changing (thatās now on me to executeā¦) but most certainly a life-affirming experience. It was a remarkable gift to spend thoughtfully organized days in a gorgeous place with generous people. We listened, we workshopped, we wrote, we ate so well1, we played silly games, we revised, we laughed, we sang, we hiked, we committed to supporting each othersā future writing projectsā¦ and when it was all over, we got in the pool and discussed the magical appeal of Connie Brittonās hair.
Beautiful late-spring weather here in NYC eased my reacclimating to sea level but couldnāt shield me from post-retreat emotional withdrawal. Or maybe itās the pit in my stomach as Pride Month kicks off, the unease many of us are feeling as the legislative walls creep further inward.
Ann and Jade encouraged us to identify the central question for each of our projects. I realized thereās a central question motivating everything I do: how to document, celebrate, and protect queer lives? Historically alienated by families of origin, LGBT people formed chosen families to survive, to thrive. Consequently, our collective history can sometimes get fragmented and buried along the way; we have to consciously work as a community to maintain the throughline. As second generation queers, my brother and I have always felt a responsibility to connect our peers to LGBT history.2 We, the children born and raised in LGBT families, serve as intergenerational bridges.
Iām laboring over an essay right now centered on the tenuous, and frequently fractious, alliance between the āgay rightsā movement and transgender people. While I wrestle with discomfort and sentence structureāsome intergenerational inspo:
āš½ COLAGE
My father wanted to make sure that I never felt alone in having a gay parent. His involvement with the Gay Fathers Coalition of DC led me to join the organization that would eventually become COLAGE (fka Children of Lesbians and Gays Everywhere).
For more than 30 years COLAGEās history and my own have been interwovenāI went to my first event when I was 9, wrote a regular column for the newsletter as a pre-teen, joined the steering committee/board of directors at 16, and organized events throughout my late teens and early-20s. Sunday night I am excited to join a number of my dear friends to share our stories. (Zoom registration)
š THE FAMILY OUTING
Every summer my friends Jessi and Frances pack up their dog and kids in Brooklyn and road trip down to their Mississippi family. Their travels will take them through ten states and right into the belly of the book-banning, anti-trans-legislating South.
Jessi and I first met back in 2000 while marching with COLAGE at the San Francisco Pride Parade. She carried a snappy, second gen sign: like father, like daughter. Nearly a decade later my college bestie called to tell me she had started dating someone who knew me. Lucky for me, two people I adore fell in love, made babies, and bought an apartment down the street.
This year, Jessi and Frances going to conduct some literary activism throughout their southern road trip by stopping at as many Little Free Libraries as possible to distribute copies of Jessiās compelling memoir The Family Outing. Their goal is to distribute 3,000 copies of the book in places that need our stories the most.
You can help by sponsoring a book, nominating a recipient for a book, or buying the book directly and passing it on.
š¬ FAIRYLAND
Reexamining that archival pic of Jessi just now, I noticed my friend Meema Spadola in the background. Meema was in SF that day on tour with her film Our House: A Very Real Documentary About Kids of Gay and Lesbian Parents. Meemaās film was the first time I saw a film documenting our stories, made by one of us.
I was out with Meema this past Thursday for the opening night of NewFest, NYCās 35-year-old LGBT film and media festival. We were there to attend the NYC premiere of Fairylandāthe film adaptation of Alysia Abbottās memoir recounting her childhood growing up with a gay dad in 70s and 80s San Francisco.
I was prepared to cry, but wasnāt prepared for the final sceneā¦ I wonāt spoil it except to give gratitude to Alysia for working through the pain to become a determined storytelling bridge. š
who lives, who dies, who tells our storiesā¦
xx kyle
Sam Tan epitomizes the multi-hyphenate star: actor! writer! director! hand-model! retired-dancer! CHEF!
āSecond Generationā was coined by librarian Dan Cherubin, gay son of a lesbian mom, in 1991.
Again, touching and inspiring writing!!
Be like Dory!!