The woods are just trees.

And somehow, I still believe, we're going to love each back to life.

I was going to write today, then I didn’t, so I wasn’t, but now I will. Well, am.

Something short, and hopefully a little bit sweet. A reminder that I’m alive, you’re alive. And a soft plug at the bottom for our book club slash Pride decompression hang on Monday, June 30th. RSVP! And be sure to read all the way to the end for an exciting book giveaway!

I didn’t publish last weekend because I was in the woods and off the grid, communing with nature and 160+ trans men. It was bittersweet timing to miss Brooklyn Pride and not be with my kid on Father’s Day. But, I wouldn’t trade holding hands in a circle with all those men for anything. What a remarkable experience, to look around and see how truly diverse we are. Every shape, size, and style you can imagine. Actually, I’m guessing you/most people can’t imagine.

I’m reminded of M. Gessen’s sentence published today (gift link):

“Imagine you are a transgender teenager.”—M. Gessen

And then followed up with:

I am asking you to imagine what it’s like to be a transgender teenager because that is exactly what the majority of the Supreme Court justices refused to do when they ruled in United States v. Skrmetti on Wednesday….

I digress, back to my tent. It was uncharacteristically damp and chilly. Here I am cozied up in the middle of a Saturday afternoon in June, reading MARSHA, and resting.

Day 1: Post mid-day nap, reading MARSHA and listening to rain overhead.

You know what was great about being in a camp just for trans men? Rest. A miracle: ease! We breathed. We canoed. We talked about our feelings. We screen-printed possums with bleach on donated tees. We hugged. We swapped health care advice. We went shirtless by the pool—even tho it was only 65—because all our bodies were safe, and because we all packed swim fits. We looked amazing. And we all looked, amazed. We kept our phones off. We avoided anything from the outside puncturing our canopy.

Three days later, I looked like this.

Day 4: Time off the grid does this transman good.

This was my first time at Camp Lost Boys. I heard from returning campers that reacclimating is always jarring—this week overdelivered on testing my post-camp calm. Everyone’s nervous system is a wreck, more cowards keep dropping more literal bombs, and meanwhile, the trans community is yelling at each other on the internet over movement strategy. Can I crawl back to my sleeping bag now?

I wasn’t going to write tonight because I wanted to encourage all of you to spend an hour and a half with Rep. Sarah McBride and Ezra Klein—but I don’t have the energy to recap all the reasons people are now criticizing her. (And, likewise, don’t want arrows pointed in my direction.) It was beyond surreal, and ironic given some of her statements, that I was watching people tear her down on social media while my circle of confidants was texting and DM’ing me to share how much they appreciated the conversation. I encourage you to listen or watch and form your own opinion rather than just re-sharing someone else’s take. There’s a lot in there, you might not agree with all of it, but I can assure you that she is not our enemy.

Which reminds me of another gem thanks to M. Gessen:

So I wasn’t going to write.

But, I was hanging my laundry just now… still processing the week, and Madonna (sorry Patti) started playing in my head:

Where do we go from here?
This isn't where we intended to be
We had it all, you believed in me
I believed in you

Certainties disappear
What do we do for our dream to survive?
How do we keep all our passions alive
As we used to do?

Deep in my heart, I'm concealing
Things that I'm longing to say
Scared to confess what I'm feeling
Frightened you'll slip away

I think this is my official response to the movement’s navel gazing. Regular readers will know my brain is fully warped by the American Musical Theater canon. (Tho in this case, British?) Earlier in the week, I thought for sure I’d weave in some sort of Sondheimian Into the Woods reference for this weekend’s post, or maybe a little Jonathan Groff singing “Lost in the Woods” (Frozen 2, baby!)¹ But, no. Sir Webber’s Evita is what came to mind: You Must Love Me.

xx Kyle

Want something to do right now with your anger? Here’s a small, direct way you can support trans men right now: Camp Lost Boys (and their parent nonprofit, The Intentional Man Project) are in the middle of their annual fundraiser. I set up a unique campaign page for our Being Alive community, which details why I think IMP is worth your donation, and how your dollar will match-ically become $2. You have until June 30th to donate. Thank you.

UPDATE: Thanks to everyone who already donated, I’ve upped our goal to $1k!

The Intentional Man Project provides men of trans experience with the community and the programmatic support they need to live healthier, connected, and more fulfilling lives.

Did you think I forgot about the book giveaway?!

We’re reading Tourmaline’s fantastic MARSHA this month—a comprehensive biography of the legendary activist, performer, hustler, lover, caretaker etc etc Marsha P. Johnson. (I spent my Saturday morning finishing it in the bathtub. Highly recommend the pairing.)

Tourmaline signing a copy of MARSHA for one Being Alive Book Club reader.

I reconnected with Tourmaline this week (for sure the post-camp highlight!) and she signed a copy for one of you. Drop a comment here or over in the chat thread to throw your name in the hat before Wednesday, June 25.

Being Alive Book Club is hosting a casual book talk and Pride decompression gathering on June 30. We’ll light candles for Marsha, discuss community history, and share what has made us proud this month.

Being Alive Book Club is open to ALL— there are many ways to participate, none of which absolutely require reading the book.

• Option A: Read this newsletter and enjoy Tourmaline’s MARSHA in the format of your choosing.

• Opt B: Discuss with other readers in the Being Alive Book Club chat.

• Opt C: Join our book club hang on Zoom Monday, June 30th. RSVP by clicking this big button right here:

More questions? New here? Check out the Being Alive Book Club FAQ!

1. “You feel what you feel. And those feelings are real!” — Sven (Reindeer might actually be better than people.)